CoolSculpting? WOW!
CoolSculpting is for men and women who want to look their best without surgery or liposuction. Simply freeze unwanted fat and it goes away.
It’s comfortable, safe, and utilizes the magical properties of an ostrich head, trucker piss, acetone, magic crystal, and some Irish Spring. The components are processed via our patent pending “Ganniskator IV”, resulting in our secret “CoolJuice”, which is then safely applied to the areas of unwanted fat. 
The CoolJuice’s thermodynamic properties are further enhanced by the Tard Helmet 2000, which harnesses naturally occurring Gamma Rays, in essence, converting the body’s nervous system into a fat seeking army of neurons, waging war on the dark forces of fat. 
THE RESULTS ARE ASTOUNDING:
“All In”
– Greg the Scientist
RussianGoat 