Incident Report: #20190000002
Time: 20190813- 0857 (PCT)
Location: University of Washington, Allen Library, Seattle, WA (47°39’19″N 122°18’27″W · 137 ft)
Situation: Our Emergency Response & Rescue Observations Resource Squadron (ERRORS) was dispatched to the University of Washington Campus near Allen Library with a report of serious concrete cracking at an exterior walkway.
Observations: “Tarantula Web” Cracking characteristics and differential settlement at concrete/ asphalt interface.
Assessment: ⚠️High Danger Zone (CODE LOGGINS)⚠️ – The cracking and differential settlement could be related to a much more dangerous underlying issue – like giant underground death worms. Though relatively rare, giant underground death worms do exist and are super dangerous as proven in the Factual Films: Tremors, Tremors 2, Tremors 3, Tremors 4, Tremors 5, and Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell.
Action: ERRORS quickly and efficiently cordoned off the concrete cracking and settlement zone with cones and high visibility caution tape to reduce the likelihood of severe injury or death. We then brought in some SERIOUS BACKUP and our “SECRET WEAPON” – PAM THE OWL!! Pam specializes in giant underground death worm detection and strategic death worm eradication planning. ERRORS and Pam provided the University representative a safety & monitoring protocol pamphlet, and then went to the Jack n the Box on The Ave to buy Crack.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
RussianGoat 