RussianGoat Disabilities Act:
To continuously improve the personal conscious experience for all living beings, for like eternity dude…
Incident Report: #20190000004
Time: 20191206 – 1534 (PCT)
Location: 4148 Delridge Way SW, Seattle, WA 98106 United States (47.564722N, -122.363250W, ELEV: 79.9 ft)
Situation: Our Emergency Response & Rescue Observations Resource Squadron (ERRORS) was dispatched to the Delridge neighborhood near West Seattle, with report of an “extremely violated” crosswalk push button.
Observations: An Extremely Violated Push Button located at the intersection of SW Genessee St. and Delridge Way SW.
Assessment: ⚠️Xtreme Danger Zone (CODE ANAL)⚠️ – The push button had apparently been “pushed” way too hard by some type of psychopathic psycho. ERRORS conducted several “in-person” interviews with local pedestrian humanoids. The interviews resulted in disturbing anecdotes from a community tormented by someone or something that lurks the streets of Delridge. The “Delridge Lurker” apparently whisks the streets, closely “tailgating” cyclists and pedestrians with some type of rock-hard, throbbing device. However, once the Lurker is detected, there is no sign of the Lurker, except for the remnants of desecrated push buttons.
Action: ERRORS quickly and efficiently got the fuck out of Delridge.
RussianGoat 